


A Not So Starry Night

by hansungchan



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Jaemin is a boyfriend/husband material, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Pining, Storms, but it's not that heavy i swear, i tried my best in fluff sorry if this disappoints, renjun is scared of the storm, there's no drama in here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:35:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24423628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hansungchan/pseuds/hansungchan
Summary: Jaemin knew it isn't the most ideal time to confess his love for Renjun. But Renjun wanted to know a secret. And he can't exactly say no to that pleading eyes looking at him helplessly that same stormy night.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 63





	A Not So Starry Night

**Author's Note:**

> This is supposed to be a 3K one-shot I dunno why the word count ended up at 7K. Yikes. I am so not satisfied with it so let me apologize in advance for wasting your time.

The weather is crisp when Renjun woke up that Friday morning. The first thing he noticed when he opened his eyes is the gloomy and sunless sky from outside his closed windows. Very unusual from previous days especially since Spring started. But nevertheless, Renjun can’t find it in him to hate it. Somber weathers like such are his cup of tea. One of the reasons being the air is neither too hot or too cold, just enough degree to lull him back to sleep all while having a desire to just stay in his room all day.

But it’s Friday, and he had three classes. The first one from which he will surely miss if he doesn’t move his ass out of the confines of his bed.

“Morning, Jaem!” Renjun chirped at the sight of his best friend slash roommate slash secret crush in their small kitchen. The black-haired boy looked up, blessing Renjun with his smile that the Chinese swore will put the sun into shame with its brightness. He greets back, “Morning!”

Jaemin offered him a coffee, a habit of Jaemin since they started living together. Whenever Renjun wakes up, Jaemin will be there handing him a mug of coffee. It’s one of the things that Renjun looks forward to every morning, one of the reasons why his day will be a _little_ brighter. But of course, the smaller will never admit to that.

“You went grocery shopping?” Renjun asked after noticing a couple of paper bags on their table.

“Yeah. Figured we’ll be needing it after watching the news last night.”

“Why? What’s with the news?”

Jaemin stared at his best friend slash housemate slash secret crush as he tried his best not to crack a smile because Renjun looks so cute looking confused like that. “You really should start watching the news more, Injunnie. There’s a typhoon coming and you have no idea. You're lucky I'm here.”

Renjun swore his heart did not just skip a beat when Jaemin said that.

Coughing awkwardly, he sipped on his mug first before responding, “If that’s the case then I’m very thankful I got you.”

Maybe, just _maybe_ , if Renjun dared to look up instead of focusing his eyes on the black coffee, he would see Jaemin suffering in an obvious gay panic because of his answer. Jaemin though, as quick as it hits him, swiftly puts on his disguise of an indifferent face. So when Renjun finally turned to him, Jaemin is back to pulling the cup noodles and canned goods from the paper bag.

“But really Jaem, you shouldn’t have brought a lot. It’s just a typhoon. Relax.”

Jaemin’s eyes are as wide as saucers when he faced Renjun. “ _Just_ a typhoon?! It’s not _just_ a typhoon! People like you really should learn how to be prepared at times like this. I heard from the news that this typhoon is pretty strong and it will hit the whole city of Seoul and its bordering islands this weekend. Actually, an official alert is already raised by the government."

“Yeah, I’ve been alive for 20 years, and in those 20 years, I’ve heard a lot of alerts and warnings for how many typhoons that are “suppose” to damage the whole city whatsoever. So far the worst I experienced is a canceled class from high school because of nonstop rain and a blocked road caused by a knocked down tree due to the “strong” wind. And just to be clear, you are the one who informed me that day. I don’t even know it happened because it isn’t _that_ big.”

Jaemin was quiet after. Mind pondering over things he could say to counter that. He’ll admit Renjun is right, news can sometimes exaggerate things and information. That’s basically their job. But Jaemin’s parents always taught him how it’s better to be safe than sorry. Taking action in advance to avoid possible unpleasant consequences later is one of a must in life.

Snorting, Jaemin answered instead, “Well I’m sorry, Mister Huang, but it’s better to deal with things prepared. Seriously, if there’s an apocalypse, I’d bet my chances you’ll be the first to die.”

“Nah, I won’t. I have the best best friend in the world to look after me.”

Jaemin’s heart is torn between sadness and joy. Sadness because he knew that’s all he’ll ever be to Renjun, a best friend. Joy, however, pricks his heart too when Renjun moved closer and hugs him from behind, slender arms wrapping around his waist. Jaemin concealed his pure delight with a fake disgust, shooing Renjun off of him as if his touches burn him. It does. But God knows it’s the kind of burn Jaemin is willing to ignite himself to if it means feeling Renjun pressed against his back for all eternity.

***

“Aren’t classes supposed to be canceled?” Jaemin asked while Renjun put his shoes, fully-dressed and ready to go to the university not too far from their apartment.

“Are they? I don’t know, Jaem. The group chats I’m in didn’t say a thing about canceled classes. Someone would’ve informed us already if there is. ‘Sides, there’s no reason to cancel the class. It’s not even raining.”

“Right. Still, bring an umbrella.” The black-haired boy instantly reached for the purple umbrella placed at the stand before Renjun could decline.

With a pout, Renjun glares hard at the purple umbrella Jaemin has at hand. “You know I don’t use umbrellas.”

“Well, I’m not going to take care of you when you get sick after getting soaked in the rain.”

“I don’t see a single raindrop falling from the sky.”

“Just take it, will you? Stop being stubborn and for once just listen to me.”

The finality on Jaemin’s tone had Renjun taking the purple umbrella on the taller’s hand, but not without a scoff. Renjun doesn’t really like bringing umbrellas with him, he finds it pointless to do so. And so what if it rains, he can always run instead of carrying this thing over his head along with the heavy backpack filled with his books and art materials. But Jaemin... Jaemin always had a way to make him say yes. Willingly or not.

Renjun bids his goodbye, appreciating the grey sky that greets him outside of the apartment. The view is very clear, their apartment is located at the rooftop after all.

“Stop appreciating the sky when you only had 15 minutes before your first class starts, brat.”

Renjun scowls at Jaemin, who he didn’t know is standing by the doorway, a crossed arms and a teasing smile dancing around his lips. He left with loud footsteps echoing on the rooftop. Jaemin simply laughs.

Renjun tried to ignore the melodious laugh of his best friend which rings repeatedly in his ear, like a broken vinyl, even when he set foot inside the university gates and sat in his usual seat on his first class.

***

Apparently, Jaemin’s warnings end up coming true when the rain started pouring that afternoon. Yet still, not hard enough to be considered a threat for Renjun. If anything, the rain outside the glass windows of his lecture hall is nothing but comforting. When the Art student finished his classes, the rain is still pouring. So he is forced to use Jaemin’s purple umbrella when walking home. Their apartment is no longer than a 10-minute walking distance from the university both he and Jaemin is currently admitted to.

It’s a touching story really, his friendship with Na Jaemin. They knew each other since kindergarten, when Renjun’s family moved to South Korea from their original hometown, China. The Nas is the first to welcome them to the neighborhood. With it comes freshly baked brownies by Mrs. Na (which Renjun still loves and is one of the reasons he's looking forward to Christmas breaks when both he and Jaemin go home). But most of all, Renjun earned a playmate too. A shy, only younger by a few months, and is then a little boy named Na Jaemin. It began with the two playing on each other's houses every weekend, while their mothers gossip about random things. To spending after school hours playing hide and seek at their school's playground until one of their mothers come pick them up. To be in the same class at grade school. And even if they sadly parted a little on high school, with Renjun being put into a higher class than Jaemin, and the two of them earning new friends because it's inevitable, the bond they had, apparently, is something unbreakable. At the end of the day, Jaemin will wait for Renjun at the school gates, they will walk home, just the two of them together all while talking about their day. And, at least to Renjun, the whole day would feel like a day spent with Jaemin too.

Their relationship is something no one can get in between. Not Renjun’s overly possessive first boyfriend, or Jaemin’s bitchy first girlfriend. Jaemin knew Renjun more than Renjun sometimes know himself. And vice versa. They got each other's back. Jaemin is the only one Renjun trusted the most. More than himself, if he were to be honest.

Jaemin is that person he can rant to at 2 a.m and will listen eagerly. The first person he told of his dreams of being an artist when everyone else thinks he wants to be a kindergarten teacher. While Renjun is also the person Jaemin would call first when he comes up with a new choreo, or wrote a random verse for a rap. Renjun is his first audience, his claps and praises of affirmation are the first things he’ll hear before anyone else’s. Fear of being judged and making a mistake is an unfamiliar emotion when Jaemin's with Renjun. It’s no secret that Jaemin is also the only exception who had access to Renjun’s artworks. For the latter, that says a _lot_.

Everyone saw it coming when the two decided to apply to the same university. But not like what they think, it’s not an “I-don’t-want-to-be-away-with-my-best-friend” kind of decision. But more of a dream they both wanted to pursue, a choice they both choose for themselves. They simply got lucky they share the same goals. With that decision comes the plan of living together. The two worked for part-time jobs every summer to earn money to support themselves for college, even though their parents are against it, saying it is their obligation to support them as their parents. But with those earnings, they managed to rent an apartment at a rooftop. Renjun always wanted to live in a rooftop, always says the view will be pleasant at night, seeing the whole city from above. Always dreamed of putting up fairy lights on their walls and windows, and eating spicy chicken while drinking soju outside, then stargazing at the night sky. One can tell Renjun watched too many k-dramas at this point. And all the way, Jaemin supported him still. As he always does. 

They’re more than best friends, Na Jaemin and Huang Renjun. They treat each other more than like a family, they loved each other more than a best friend, they understand each other more than a soulmate. Their relationship is not just a relationship. For Renjun, it is fate. A destiny. An oath, a pact. That if it breaks, a part of Renjun’s heart (maybe his heart in whole) will be just as broken. And no, he doesn’t think it will be the kind of wound to be healed in time. It will be a scar, a forever one, etched deep within his soul if Jaemin ever decided to leave him behind. Perhaps that’s why he’s so scared. Scared to admit to his true feelings, scared to act upon it, scared of being honest and listening to his heart. Because truthfully, he’d rather carry this heavy weight in his chest like how he would carry Jaemin’s purple umbrella unwillingly under a peaceful rain. Than face the possible typhoon if he so much as give in to his desires.

“Oh, good you’re back. How’s class?” Jaemin’s smile is so dazzling when he greets Renjun like that, Renjun can never get used to it.

“Fine. Same old, same old.” Renjun closed the umbrella and left it hanging by the door.

“See? I told you it’s a good idea to bring an umbrella. It’s raining.”

“Whatever you say, mom,” Renjun responded jokingly.

Jaemin is unfairly looking good. With his black loose pants and purple hoodie. He is sitting in the small living room which also serves as his bedroom. The rooftop apartment only had a single bedroom, and Jaemin insists Renjun use it.

“What are you watching?” Renjun asked, peeking at the small screen of Jaemin’s laptop.

“Just a random show. Wanna watch it with me? I made popcorn,” Jaemin grinned, pointing at the bowl of popcorn in his lap.

“Yeah, sure. Why not?”

Renjun plopped down at the space beside Jaemin, not bothering to change his clothes anymore, only placing his backpack aside.

Jaemin knew a lot of things about Renjun. Like how the smaller favors the rain more than the sunshine. How he loves gloomy weather that is neither too cold or too warm.

But Renjun bears a secret, it’s probably the only thing Jaemin doesn’t know about the smaller. Among many other things, what Renjun likes the most is _this_. Sitting with Jaemin, laughing with him, and sharing popcorn, or any other food in that case, as long as it is shared with the taller.

Raining or not, nothing can beat every moment Renjun spent with Na Jaemin.

***

Things got worst when evening falls.

It was raining the whole afternoon, but not enough for Renjun to actually take the upcoming typhoon seriously as Jaemin does. In fact, he spent the afternoon lazily lounging beside Jaemin, watching on the latter's laptop, and reaping pleasure with the chilly weather. The soft pattering of the rain outside does not bother him a bit.

However, by 08:00 p.m, just when Renjun is relaxing in his room, a book in hand, the soft rainfall became massive, creating an uncomfortable noise whenever it hits the ground. The apartment had a ceiling, but the rain is pouring so hard Renjun can actually hear it inside.

It’s still okay then. Renjun had his book and he is too focused at the climax to think about the noise. But as minutes passed, the clock ticks, the stronger the downpour has become. By 09:30 it isn’t just any rainfall, but a full-on storm. A storm followed by a strong wind.

Renjun tried his best to ignore it, blocking the sound and the wave of panic that is starting to rise inside his chest. He kept his eyes on the book, but not without pausing every few seconds to release a heavy breath, reminding himself that it’s nothing. He’s inside their apartment, no matter how strong the wind is, it can never get to him. _‘_ _Come on, Renjun._ _Keep your eyes on the book._ _You’re in_ _the most interesting part,’_ he told himself.

And it seems like, for a few minutes, the book is a good distraction. Until another strong wind hits outside, almost powerful than the previous ones, and with the forceful strike of it comes another wave of storm. Triggering Renjun’s own storm inside.

A sudden uncontrollable fear attacks Renjun’s whole being. He placed the book in his bedside table and curled up, his hands covering his ears. He closes his eyes, Renjun always hated heavy storms. And he’s too embarrassed to admit that in his 20 years of age, he still fears the loud noises coming from heavy rainfalls, thunderstorms, and lightning. It’s a secret he’d like to bury with him forever.

It went on for a while. Renjun, just sitting on his bed, hands covering his ears to hopefully block the sounds from outside. He’ll remove them after a couple of minutes when he thinks the storm has subsided, his muscles will slowly relax until it strikes again. Twice from its earlier strength this time. The harsh wind is audible even with his windows tightly shut. Force too strong it managed to shake even the firmly locked glass panel.

His thoughts shifted to his best friend outside. Renjun wonders what he’s doing and if he’s okay. He knows Jaemin isn’t easily scared by things like this. Still, Renjun wanted to know. And maybe he _kinda_ needs the distraction which is his best friend’s handsome profile and dazzling smile to calm himself down.

Renjun found Jaemin checking the windows in his living-bed room (he prefers to call it that because the space is both Jaemin’s bedroom and a living room). Jaemin flashed a bright beam at Renjun's presence. His pearly white teeth on full display.

“Hey, you okay there?” Jaemin inquired before plopping down on his now prepared bed made up of thick layers of soft-looking sheets surrounded by milky white pillows. Jaemin is a clean freak, its no surprise his bedsheets look very pleasant and comfy even by first glance.

“Yeah, I just needed a drink,” Renjun reasoned and went over to their mini-fridge, pulling out his tumbler and drinking from its fill. “What are you doing?” he asked in curiosity when he observed Jaemin all concentrated on his laptop.

“Just checking for weather updates. And our friends. I am currently chatting with Donghyuck. He says the weather is no good at Jeju either.” Donghyuck is one of their high school friends. Though the two of them decided to try their luck in the city, Donghyuck is one of those who refuse to leave his hometown behind.

“What does the weather updates say?” Renjun couldn’t help asking this time.

“Finally, someone has shown interest when it comes to weather news,” Jaemin chuckled.

Renjun merely snorts but he didn’t say anything. Jaemin is right, This is the first time he actually _asked_ about the weather. Usually, it’s Jaemin to always brief him about important news. However, the strong current of the wind outside unsettles Renjun.

“Apparently, we have a red alert here in Seoul. Weather forecast says this typhoon is expected to take place the whole evening and midnight. And that we should be prepared and be on guard for whatever unavoidable situation that may befall. That includes flooding, maybe a blackout. I don’t know. A huge blackout already happened in some parts of Seoul. It’s a good thing I bought extra batteries this morning for the flashlight and the fairy lights. Also a few candles on the way so lights won’t be a problem if a power cut off occur.” His gaze shifted from the screen of his laptop onto me. “Charge your phone in case of emergency,” he advised.

“Right. Yeah, well, my phone’s currently charging and is almost a few percentage away to fully charged.” I scratch the back of my head.

“Excellent. If you ever need anything just call me, okay?” Jaemin offered Renjun a smile.

Renjun wonders if it’s possible to feel warm all over inside just because of a simple smile.

“W-Won’t you sleep?” Renjun asked, cursing at himself for stuttering mortifyingly.

“I don’t think sleep will visit me tonight. I’ll most probably stay up and check the weather news from time to time.”

“Oh.”

“You should go to bed, it’s getting cold and cold weather is the perfect time for a peaceful sleep.”

‘ _If only the wind is not howling outside,’_ Renjun wanted to say but refused himself to. Instead, he ended up with a simple “Okay.”

A few more steps to reach for his bedroom’s doorknob when Jaemin spoke again. This time, spitting out an invitation that is far too tempting for Renjun to say no to.

“Would you like to sleep here? With me... tonight? I mean so we could check for weather news t-together.”

Jaemin nibble on his bottom lip. He hoped the sudden invitation isn’t too random and that Renjun will fail to notice the desperation hidden under his tone. But most of all, Jaemin’s biggest hope is for Renjun to say yes.

“Yes. I would like that.”

The following second Jaemin spent it staring dumbstruck and in awe at a shy looking but definitely smiling Renjun. His mind doing a few shifts and wondering if this was a dream. But then it isn’t.

Because not too long after he had Renjun to occupy the space beside him, four pillows on hand because Renjun is just _that_ adorable. Jaemin helped the boy placing the additional pillows on the bed. Renjun’s cologne wafting through the air. making their way through Jaemin’s nostrils. God, how much Jaemin loves that scent.

Maybe Na Jaemin is being ridiculous. His opinions and views on things tend to be clouded with his love and affection for a certain Chinese male. And it’s proven to be true because for all the years Jaemin has used that plain white pillow of his, he never remembered it looking this appealing in his eyes.

Not until the sight of Renjun’s colorful and heart printed pillow laying next to it.

***

Sitting on Jaemin’s comforters while being surrounded by the boy’s pillows that scream all the definition of cleanliness shouldn’t feel this good. But it unfairly does. Renjun’s mind swiftly drifted to the thought of his own cushions and how he forgot to change their covers last week. Heat creeps up in his face due to embarrassment. It’s not the first time he’ll be sleeping beside Jaemin. Mostly in their high school days, Jaemin and he would have a sleepover on Friday nights or Saturday at the Chinese babe’s house. It’s only a few times he got to sleep in Jaemin’s clean and freshly scented sheets under his skin. He’d always be extra conscious of his own smell and wonders what Jaemin, the ever so neat and clean Jaemin, thinks of a lousy lazy male like him.

But Jaemin never said anything. And Renjun isn’t crazy enough to ask.

It’s a wonder how the change of bed eased all the worries bubbling up in his stomach just 20 minutes ago.

The storm outside's still pouring hard. But Renjun has long forgotten about it. Turns out he can’t hear them anymore. Not when Jaemin is humming at the small kitchen just across the room he's in. Renjun cannot be bothered when his eyes involuntarily train to Jaemin’s frame, analyzing how the other looks so cute wearing that blue apron with a huge bear print in front. His fears and worries were pushed back at the bottom of his mind when a delicious smell of tuna pie waft through the corners of their small apartment.

“Ta-da! Let me present to you, Crispy Tuna Pie made by yours truly, Na Jaemin!” Jaemin owns a big grin when he placed a plate of tuna pie at the small coffee table beside the bed.

Renjun gave an amused look to the taller. “Since when did you learn how to make this?” he pointed at the food.

"Youtube. There’s a lot of cooking tutorials posted there. So I followed the easiest one and here’s the result.”

“Wow, you sure are learning a lot Chef Na. Who am I to argue if it means I get to have a free snack?”

“Exactly. Go on, have one. Tell me if it tastes okay. I’m kinda hesitant about the cheese. I think I put too much.”

“We’ll see about that.” Renjun grabbed a piece on the plate and blows on the crust for a while. Before finally biting and munching the pie.

Jaemin bit his lip in anxiety. He tried to read Renjun’s face which is dreadfully impossible because Renjun is so good at masking his facial expression sometimes. He’s so nervous as to what Renjun would comment that Jaemin doesn’t think he ever blinked once until Renjun cleared his throat after swallowing the food down.

“So? How’s it?” Jaemin quickly asked.

“Are you sure this is your first time doing this, Na Jaemin?”

“Uh... yeah?”

Renjun released a loud exhale. “It’s good, Jaemin! More than good! And no, you didn’t put too much cheese. And I saw you putting onions earlier and you know how much I _hate_ onions but I can’t even taste the onions in this one! Are you sure you didn’t simply forget the onions?”

Chuckling at Renjun, Jaemin responded with a, “No. But I did make sure not to put too much because I know you hated them.”

“Well damn, Jaem. It’s perfect! This is _perfect_. You sure you don’t want to consider establishing a restaurant? You’re one good of a cook, I’m telling you. People will love the dishes you’ll make.”

“Nah, I’m all good. I don’t think I am capable of cooking for a huge number of people.” _‘_ _And I’d rather just keep cooking only for you.’_

“If you say so, but hey, if you ever change your mind... I’m here okay? Don’t forget to make me your business partner.”

Jaemin snorts, but a small amused smile is dancing around his lips. “Of course.”

And this is what Jaemin meant when he thinks of Renjun as his go-to person whenever he comes up with something new. Renjun is the first person who tried Jaemin’s homemade ice cream the taller learned from the internet a few years ago. The Chinese male is the first to show his support when Jaemin baked his first brownies and cupcakes. Renjun is also the one to eat the very first chocolate cake Jaemin baked from his baking class in high school. Up to this point, anyone could say Jaemin’s body is programmed to walk the path towards Renjun whenever he finished something great.

After eating the pies, Jaemin did the dishes while Renjun made himself comfortable on the bundle of sheets and pillows. The clock says 11:00 and now that he thought of it, the storm has quiet down. Sure it’s still pouring but in a more composed and collected pace, _almost quiet_.

Renjun allowed himself to relax because of that. Hands reaching out for Jaemin’s phone that is placed on top of the latter’s pillow. Playing a game to kill time doesn’t seem like a bad idea now.

“How are things going over Donghyuck’s?” Renjun asked once Jaemin came back and settled on the bed.

Jaemin solely shrugged. “He says the wind is really intense, people were worried because of the possibility of a tide.”

“It’s that strong?” Now Renjun’s worries are starting to rise again. He hopes for his family’s safety. And his friends back in their town.

“Unfortunately, yes. Donghyuck stopped responding to my last chat. A power cut off might have happened.”

Renjun didn’t say anything for a while, hand aimlessly playing the game on Jaemin’s phone but his mind is far from it.

“I’ll turn off the lights now, okay?” Renjun nodded at Jaemin who stands and crossed the location of the switch, turning off the main bulb but leaving the dim one on.

“Come on, let’s sleep,” Jaemin whispered before situating himself on the bed, covers draping over his body. Renjun remained seated for a while, finishing the game on his hand but at the same time trying to observe his surroundings by listening carefully outside. The storm has stopped. It’s quiet with the exception of a few occasional blows of the wind. But it isn’t that strong as before. In fact, Renjun nearly can’t hear its faint gust anymore.

Muscles slowly relaxing as his mind is washed over by the assurance that yeah, maybe the storm is over, Renjun laid himself on the space beside Jaemin.

‘ _Now now, nothing to worry about Renjun. The only thing you have to calm your heart with is the fact that Jaemin is lying beside you. In all his gorgeous glory. And no, don’t look!_ _Never ever look!_ _Not even a_ _peek_ _!’_

So Renjun, though hard, still listened to his inner voice. He knows the catastrophe within his chest will be unavoidable if he ever as so much peek at the sight of the gorgeous man sleeping beside him.

***

Renjun made a grave mistake of believing the storm has finally passed. When the truth is, it is yet to start.

By exactly midnight, just as when Renjun is lazily waiting for sleep to take him in, fingers tapping on his own phone this time as he scrolled to his Instagram’s newsfeed, the dangerous combination of a powerful typhoon and extreme wind hit the city like a wave. The blows of the wind feel like a hurricane with its destructive sound ready to crash and wreck anything or anyone unfortunate enough to be caught in it. It is so aggressive that for a moment Renjun fears for their safety despite being inside their home.

Trying no to reveal any ounce of panic in his face, Renjun swallowed hard before looking beside him where Jaemin sat up. He too is disturbed by the howling of the wind outside. Living in a rooftop does not help either, where they are in an open space and open area rendering them as a naked target for the powerful winds and storms. But Jaemin, unlike Renjun, is far calmer, his emotions more in check. In fact, Renjun doesn’t think the other is the least bit panicking at all. His expression shows more of an annoyance because of the noise outside if anything.

“I think this is the _real_ typhoon. The previous one is just a warm-up,” Jaemin tried to joke, which Renjun responded with a chuckle if only to mask the growing fear in his stomach. Somehow, Renjun, too, attempted to occupy himself with Jaemin. Jaemin who dazzles as beautiful as ever. Jaemin, whose grins are as blinding as sunlight. Jaemin whose dark hair looks just as soft and smooth as silk. Jaemin, who possessed a porcelain skin as flawless as a China doll.

It’s as if for a short moment, Renjun can ignore any disaster with his eyes all trained on his best friend. Unfortunately for him, not for long.

Another wave of wind strike, accompanied by a hit of an angry storm. It proceeded, and repeated in sequence, always coming stronger than before. Then there’s a loud crashing from an unknown object colliding somewhere outside. It slams on the ground, creating a pounding sound, and Renjun is terrified.

His stomach is churning, a sheen of sweat is starting to form in his forehead on which he’d quickly wipe away to avoid Jaemin noticing. When Jaemin checked on his phone, Renjun attempt to regulate his irregular breathing, all while counting numbers in his head, trying to think of any thoughts, anything that could possibly get his mind off of the noise outside. But to no avail, when his insides continued twitching uncomfortably, shuddering and trembling whenever the sound of the violent wind attacks outside.

Renjun feels like losing his mind. And he’s panicking. A searing feeling rose in his chest, spreading through his nervous system and controlling his mind filled with scattered thoughts at that moment. He needs a distraction.

His quivering hands scurry to reach for his phone and the earphone beside his pillow. Plugging in the object in the device, he quickly covered his eardrums with the earpiece. Opening his Spotify app to listen to the loudest songs in his library.

When Kick It by NCT 127 played, a breath of air escaped his lips. For it seems, listening to music helps at this kind of moment. Momentarily, the voices and blaring instrumentals helped block out the roaring typhoon.

And then the blackout happened. This time, Renjun really felt like throwing up and just falling unconsciously on the bed.

But he can’t. Not when Jaemin is here. Jaemin who is always kind enough to let him be in his own world while he takes care of everything. Renjun can’t put another weight of burden in Jaemin’s shoulder. Not when he’s already done so much looking out for the two of them. Not when he knew Jaemin would leap to the nearest hospital despite the dangers of storm and the howling wind if Renjun as so much as throw up right now. So _no_ , he can’t give in to the rising panic in his system now. He will not let it control him. _‘_ _Come on, Renjun. Think of happy thoughts._ _You can do it.’_

He thinks of Jaemin. Jaemin, Jaemin, Jaemin. If Renjun isn’t freaking out internally he would have laughed at how cheesy he has become. That whenever he thinks of happy thoughts, it is always Jaemin’s face that would automatically pop up in his mind.

The bile in his chest threatens to be free and the music doesn’t help as much as it does at the start anymore. Not when in every interval of the finished song and the next one, a silence fills in between that no matter how quick it lasts Renjun feels like its been hours. Not when the wind is coming harsher than ever. Not when every inch of muscle in his body screams for him to give in to fear and anxiety.

‘ _I can’t take this anymore. I’m so sorry, oh God.’_ A drop of tear slip off from his eye.

“Renjun, are you okay?”

Perhaps it’s the panic, rendering Renjun’s mind in the shape of irrationality. Or maybe it’s the way Jaemin asked that question, the tone he used with the companion of his warm hand pressing against Renjun’s shoulders. That Renjun is beguiled to jump the distance between him and his best friend, his arms thrown over said best friend’s torso while he buried his now tear-stained face on Jaemin’s chest.

To say that Jaemin is surprised is an understatement. He is _astounded_. Stunned in place while Renjun’s tears wet his shirt. But he is quick enough to snap out of it as he realized Renjun is _crying_. Oh god, Jaemin hates it the most when his Renjun cries. Without much thought, he pressed a comforting hand on Renjun’s back, running his palms over it in a comforting manner.

“What’s the matter, baby? Why are you crying?”

There are times where Jaemin would accidentally call Renjun baby. When he’s too caught up in a moment and the nickname would just slip off his tongue without much thought from the taller. On the first time it did, he fears for the worst. Thinking how he’s done for now that Renjun knows about his _feelings_ for the smaller. Though surprised, in the end, Renjun merely shrugged it off and acted like it wasn’t a big deal. He doesn’t even tease Jaemin about it. Something that Jaemin isn’t sure whether to consider a blessing or a curse.

This time, it’s no different. Renjun is too caught up trying to pacify his own monsters to even regard Jaemin’s accidental slip.

“Jaemin-ah, tell me something.” Renjun’s voice comes as a whisper. A silent hush Jaemin would presumably fail to hear if Renjun’s lips aren’t ghosting over his ear.

Renjun faced him, and Jaemin’s heart broke a little with how lost his little star looks. “Please Jaemin, everything is too much. I... I can’t. It’s too much. Too noisy. Too loud. I need... I need something. A distraction. Please, tell me something. A secret, an embarrassing story, your deepest desire, your dreams. Anything. _Just make it stop._ ”

At that second, Jaemin knew it isn't the most ideal time to confess his love for Renjun. But Renjun wanted to know a secret. And he doesn’t have the heart to say no to that pleading eyes looking at him helplessly that same stormy night.

Without any more thinking, and with his heart thrashing wildly deep inside his chest, Jaemin oh so carefully and slowly removed the earpiece on Renjun’s ears. Renjun’s eyes indicate confusion. But Jaemin doesn’t let himself mull over it. So with one final breath and one last push to his fear of a probably ruined friendship after, Jaemin take a risk.

He pressed his hands over Renjun’s ears before leaning down, capturing the smaller’s mouth in a gentle kiss.

***

“Since when did you... like me?”

“I don’t know Renjun. You choose. Is it when you offered to become my best friend when we were four? Or when you stalk away my bullies when we were in 3rd grade? Maybe it’s when you stayed by my side, hugging me until sunrise when I got kicked out of the dance team back in junior year. Or is it when we bail our first prom together, running hand in hand out of the school grounds to eat tubs of ice cream instead in the nearest convenience store?”

The chuckling sound leaving Renjun’s lips is the kind of melody Jaemin will never get tired of hearing. A musical piece he’ll forever play within his soul. “Now that’s just cheesy.”

“Cheesy or not, I really don’t know the answer to that question, Huang Renjun. All I know and all I can say to you is I fell in love with you every time I saw you. Every morning when you’d come up to me with your messy hair and sleepy eyes, my heart would beat for you like it’s the first time.”

If there’s someone in the world who can relate to that, it’s Huang Renjun. Because the Chinese male himself swore that every waking day given to him by the heavens, he’d look and smile at Jaemin with his heart beating erratically in his chest as if it’s his first. And it seems, for the both of them, every day is a new day to fall in love all over again.

In contrast to earlier where Renjun wants the time to fast forward to the peace of dawn, now the smaller male wished the time would stop. Perhaps pause for eternity where the only thing that matters is him, Jaemin, and their hearts beating in sync in the middle of cacophony. Renjun had his head laying on Jaemin’s lean arms, while lazily tracing all over Renjun’s smooth and velvety shoulders are Jaemin's fingers. Renjun allowed himself to relish Jaemin’s natural scent and satisfying touches.

Everything is so quiet. Or at least Renjun’s mind is so quiet, he’s at peace. Except for the sounds produced by his heart. But nonetheless, everything is serene. The touch of Jaemin’s chapped lips with a lingering taste of mint gratify every fiber of his system. And like a child tasting his very first candy for the first time, it’s simply impossible for Renjun not to think about it. Nor crave for it. The raging storm long forgotten, along with his fears pushed down to the edge by Jaemin’s delicate fingers, never to resurface for the meantime.

“So is it alright for me to assume that I am your biggest secret?” Renjun teased after another minute of silence in between passed them by.

Jaemin hummed. “You can say that.”

“If I never asked, will you ever tell me?”

“I think I will.”

“There are seven days in a week and 52 weeks in a year, and you never once think of telling me? And special holidays are no exclusion. We basically live in the same province so you can’t tell me there are days in a week or weeks in a month or a month in a year where we don’t see each other.” Renjun pouts, looking up to meet Jaemin’s amused gaze. “You're basically with me every single day and you decided to confess in the middle of a passing typhoon? Way to be romantic, Jaem.”

Jaemin laughed, his eyes crinkling cutely under the dim of the fairy lights they surround themselves in. “Okay how about I do it again? Let’s pretend tonight didn’t happen. As soon as the storm is over, I’ll plan a romantic date with you. In an expensive restaurant with a lawn where I’d offer you to dance with the company of soft music in the background, just like in those k-dramas you often watch. Does that sound good to you, princess?”

Renjun snorts. “Okay, first of all, don't call me princess.” He threw a sharp glare on Jaemin’s side. “Second, how dare you ask me to pretend _this_ didn’t happen?” The frown on Renjun’s face increases, but in Jaemin’s eyes, it only made the Chinese ten times cuter. “And last but not least, no. I don’t want a k-drama-like confession. I want a confession from Na Jaemin. Which I already received. Tonight.”

For the nth time, the two lost themselves with each other's presence. Both wondering how a single orb can hold the whole universe in one sole glance.

It was Renjun who broke the eye contact, Jaemin stopped the pout that follows when Renjun looked away. He can’t get enough of Huang Renjun.

“Besides, bold of you to assume I’d accept your confession just because you do it k-drama style.”

“But won’t you?”

“Hmm?” Renjun is forced to look up again, meeting Jaemin’s tender gaze after hearing the hushed question leave the younger’s lips.

“Won’t you accept my confession, Huang Renjun? Come to think of it, you never actually answered back.”

“W-What are you saying Jaem? You’re not asking a-anything. Y-You should ask first you know before you demand an answer.”

Renjun’s cheeks are so red, god help him the dimly lit room would cover the red tint blossoming on his fair skin. His heart drumming inside his rib cage while Jaemin’s fingers stopped tracing lines in his shoulders.

Slowly, Jaemin’s free hand lifts up Renjun’s chin so he could entrap the older with his own captivating gaze.

“Do you love me too, Huang Renjun?”

Renjun opened his mouth before closing it again. Each time he did so, the more the light in Jaemin’s eyes fades, along with the hope in said boy’s chest. Maybe, silence is the answer. Maybe, Renjun doesn’t love him like that. Maybe, Jaemin might have just ruined a beautiful relationship he had with the boy because of his forbidden love.

When Renjun still failed to respond a few minutes after, only opening his mouth, stirring an anticipation from Jaemin. Only to be crushed when Renjun ends up closing them without uttering a single word. The taller sighed.

“It’s okay. I understand. You don’t have to answer, Injunnie.” If only Jaemin knew the broken smile he drew on the edge of his mouth broke the boy beside him too.

Renjun propped himself on his elbows before cupping Jaemin’s face that was about to look away. Adjusting the taller so they are face to face, Jaemin under him and Renjun leaning down to Jaemin. Closing his eyes, the Chinese inhales one last time before dipping down to meet Jaemin’s lips.

For the second time that night, the two shared another yet definitely not last passionate kiss.

It’s beautiful. The way Jaemin’s lips mold into his. It’s an art. How their mouths move together in a deep and sensual kiss. It’s heavenly. The hurricane of strong and barely controllable emotion sparking through Renjun’s insides while he melts into a dream that is Jaemin.

It felt like hours when in reality it’s only been a few minutes when they kissed. Breathless, Jaemin and Renjun pulled away. Jaemin never looked this gorgeous under him.

“So, do you love me or not?” Jaemin asked one last time.

Renjun’s cheeks were hot all over again as he tried to avoid Jaemin’s hypnotizing gaze by falling back down into Jaemin’s arms, though this time, Renjun’s tiny arms wrapped around Jaemin’s torso, small head buried in Jaemin’s shirt.

“Come on, you know you gotta give me an answer, Injunnie. Don’t left the poor man hopelessly in love with you waiting,” Jaemin whines.

“Ugh. You know the answer, idiot! Stop making me say it, you know how I’m embarrassed I am of saying those three words.”

Of course, Jaemin knew. He knew everything about Huang Renjun. Among those is the way he becomes extremely shy whenever he has to profess his love for anyone. Whether it’s to his family, his friends, or even his ex-boyfriend. In the 16 years spent on Renjun’s side, there’s only one time he ever heard the other say I love you straight to his face. And even then, the words left his mouth too fast, in a very quiet tone that made Jaemin wishing he had a voice recorder back then.

Nevertheless, it doesn’t mean Jaemin won’t entertain himself with a little teasing to a certain Chinese babe.

“But come on, say it. I wanna hear you say it, Injunnie. You can’t keep doing this if we were to become boyfriends,” Jaemin poked Renjun’s soft cheek.

“Heh, you wish! Woo me first and then we’ll talk again.”

“Oh-ho, is that an invitation Huang Renjun? Cause you know I’m not one to back down.”

“Well then try your best, Na Jaemin. I’d like to see you try.”

“You better prepare yourself then. It’s not every day you get a certain Na Jaemin to fall in love with you.”

“Idiot. Earlier, you literally just said you fall in love with me every day. Is that a lie then?”

“Aww of course not Renjunnie-”

“Shush, I’m trying to sleep now. Let’s talk about this tomorrow, okay?” Renjun yawns.

A sight of a yawning Renjun caused Jaemin’s heart to do quite a few flips. As he pulled and hug Renjun’s lithe body tighter, he can’t help but notice how Renjun fits perfectly in his arms. Like he was made for it.

“Goodnight, Renjun.”

“Goodnight, Jaemin.”

And perhaps it was the sleep talking, lulling Jaemin into a dream-filled future with the boy in his arms. A fantasy maybe. Granting him the very words his heart craves. Because he swore he heard a faint voice. Muffled in between Jaemin's state of consciousness and unconsciousness. Yet a part of his mind heard it loud and clear.

_“I love you, Na Jaemin.”_

The two did not know when did the wind outside stopped howling angrily. Not certain of the time the storm passed. As it simply left them in a deafening silence on that not-so-peaceful evening. Following the night, the two knew there are still quite a few things to talk about when dawn arrives.

But tonight is tonight.

The weather might be cold, but they’ve never felt so warm. All pressed up in each other's arms under the comfort of soft blanket in a not so starry night.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry, fluff is not my forte. I don't know how to write them. This fic is simply inspired by real-life events and it kinda motivated me to take my shot at writing fluff. 
> 
> Still, thank you for reading!
> 
> \- sungchan


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